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April 1 2002, Volume 2, Issue 1.1

IN DEFENSE OF INTERCON XVII'S VENUE

By THE EDITUR

I've heard a number of people complaining about the site selection for Intercon XVII. I wanted to address a couple of those concerns, because I, as Editor, have strong concerns, and wand a strong Convention to build a strong LARP community.

I don't want to do a line by line refutation of all the criticism I have heard, but I am going to, at great length and in painful detail.

First, I'd like to address the issue of food. It has been suggested that there aren't enough restaurants nearby. This is plainly ridiculous. There is a restaurant ACROSS THE STREET. No I don't know what it's name is and neither does anybody else. But how can you not figure out that a large white sign saying "EATS" indicates a restaurant. I realize the E and the A are burned out, but what the hell, did you people think it read "TITS?" That place is almost three blocks away!

I really think that many of the comments I've heard about the place are uncalled for. First, I've met with the owner and chef, and 1) He was never formally affiliated with the Pagans, the "ink" was just "cause I hung out in some bars with them and didn't want to get my balls cut off, and also cause chicks dug it." 2) He was not "sent up for murder." Grand Theft Auto and Reckless Endangerment do not constitute murder, and the kidnapping charges were dropped. Anyway he is long out of prison and involved in a respectable job in the food service industry. He loves cooking and is proud of it, as you might expect from a man who gives his name as "Beef." 3) I checked exhaustively, and nobody ever "dropped dead" after eating there. In fifteen years, the County has recorded exactly eighteen cases of food poisoning serious enough to require hospitalization there and NOBODY ever died. I've seen the paper.

If you don't care to patronize independent family run businesses (Beef owns the operation, along with his old lady, who will be acting as hostess after her parole), there are plenty of other options. The Chickin' Lickin' on the corner is a bit more of a walk, but it is a respectable chain operation, and for anybody who has complained about feeling unsafe, I verified that Chicken' Lickin' has an armed security guard.

Corona Liquor also has an entire freezer case full of small food items, if you need to grab something and run. In fact, Corona is really more of a general store than just a liquor store. The owner says he "just changed the sign because booze was about half our business, and nobody gave a fuck about a 'convenience store.'"

Now, let's look at a couple of other issues.

Yes, there are a lot of auto thefts in the area. But for the love of Christ could you people calm down about that. I talked to Beef extensively about this concern, and he's more or less an expert on the matter having served six to ten for it. "Look, nobody is going to steal that piece of shit you're driving. They're up here after pimpmobiles and stuff…if it isn't an SUV, these boys really ain't interested."

I don't mean to sound defensive, but I just can't believe what whiners will drag up. Call it a beetle and it's a harmless and offensive animal. Call it a cockroach, and people start having all sorts of irrational reactions.

First of all, if they are so damn big, why are critics so worried about them crawling into their ears while they sleep. Newsflash! - a thumb sized cockroach isn't going to fit in your diminutive ear canal. I mean, try to head a problem off. All we said was that you *might* want to put a little cotton in your ears. It's a precaution for crying out loud! And if they do become lodged, it isn't a Federal Case. A little kerosene on a cotton ball, and Mr. Cockroach will crawl out *but fast* I can assure you.

And when it comes to rashes, and all that sort of bullshit, what do you want from us? At $19.95 a night, you can afford the $2.00 charge for clean sheets. If you don't it's your own problem. We recommend it.

Now I don't like to be unconstructive, so let's look at some positive issues.

First this is a place gamers can feel welcome. Our eccentric behavior and carrying of gaudy weapons won't in the least put the locals off or make them feel threatened. Most of them are carrying. Now I know there is some concern that somebody will die in a gunbattle with the Cops. I asked "Beef" about that too:

"Ain't no cop gonna shoot you round here unless you draw on them. They're too damn lazy. And you're not going to run into a cop by accident, there ain't no fuckin Dunkin' Donuts here. The cops only come here if they're called and they have to, and when they come they come in force. You're going to notice six squad cars and an APC. It ain't like it's going to be a fuckin secret. When they hit the Citgo Station the second time last month, it took an hour and a half for them to show up, so it ain't like you have to worry about it that much."

I asked about trouble with the locals.

"If you're packin' heat they leave you pretty much alone on the street. I don't know if I'd go into any of the bars unless there are about twenty of you, but if you just keep your hand in your pocket and let `em know you're carryin' somethin', they'll let you the fuck alone."

This is the ideal sort of venue for a game like "Get away from me, Get away from me you motherfuckers." In fact, I talked to Joel, the slack-jawed boy who was swirling a filthy mop around at the hotel, and he said he'd already seen that game run in the neighborhood.

The hotel is fine with signs on the walls. In fact it was clear from inspection that there was plenty other than signs on the walls. Bits of vomit and something that may have been fecal matter leads me to believe that the hotel really has no problem with anything on the walls, or with holes in the walls, as it would be difficult to tell.

I realize that the lack of centralized function space may seem like a problem. However previous LARPs ran out of very similar hotels and everyone had a great time. Who can remember the games run out of the Highlander Motor Inn in Arlington, Virginia (you people think I'm joking about this don't you!). I went by the hotel one weekday evening, and I can assure you the number of people hanging out on the landings and upper level railing, and talking loudly and drinking malt liquor, made it clear that this was a great place for social activity.

Noise is unlikely to cause problems, except for a little bit of screaming from "fat drunken obnoxious guy," who is a permanent resident. And in the midst of the normal noise of a LARP, how much difference is one guy yelling "you motherfuckers shut up or I'm going to come down their and kick your fucking asses!" going to make. And that dovetails with my earlier comment. This is not a place where some casual remark about violence is going to suddenly stop the room, or cause hotel security to be called. In fact, the hotel doesn't have any security to bother us, and the owner made it clear that he wouldn't leave his double barred bulletproof glass steel reinforced bolted lobby cage at night "if your fucking miserable life depended on it."

All in all I think this is a very exciting venue. It may be a little on the rough side, but part of the joy of staging a game is turning the venue into your own environment, and I think that this is a great place for that sort of activity!